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love and let go
The memory is burned into my brain forever. Sitting on the front porch steps bawling my eyes out, I watched BabyGirl drive a car out of MY driveway away from MY life into the big old unknown that MYself couldn't control. Of course she was in her Grandma's car with 100K miles on it, but still. She rode for several years with an angel pin on the dash..a family gift passed from my Aunt Nancy to me after Jimbo's death and then onto Lauren and her future.

You see, as a Mom that was the scariest day of my life. I had spent 16 years of hard labor lovingly caring for this kid and now I had to cut her loose. With faith that she'd be okay, because I would've gone nuts otherwise.

Remembering Jimbo and who he was to me and his family, I think that was probably giving him some heavenly joy. He's just that way. You gotta know him. I think about him a lot, still. Every time I hear "A Mighty Fortress is our God" or a snazzy show tune on the football field. When I drive into Newbern in October I'm reminded of the reds and golds of that season when he was dying and I was making house calls to check his hematocrit and platelet count. Every time I even SEE a fruit cake, it's a Godsey revenge thing.

He taught me to let go too, just like BabyGirl and all of the other folks whom I've loved and let go of because I had to....because that's what you do when you truly love and have faith.

I've often asked myself if it might be safer and less painful to just not care. Maybe you don't get hurt that way....or not as much. Watching The Schindlers, I've decided that finding the spot where one cares enough to let go in love is the most difficult place of all to be. But I am also convinced that real love.....true love, finds the strength to do that in spite of the pain.

Just thinkin'.

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