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Psst....c'mere. I have a confession to make, and I hope that you'll hear me out. I have failed someone very near and dear to me and I need to confess before I start to make things right. She understands, of course. Because she's been there with me through the whole thing, but I owe her an apology just the same.

I'm sorry, Janie. Sorry that I allowed you to live your life the "no waves" way and the "caretaker" way. Many others have benefitted from those characteristics of yours, but you yourself have mostly suffered for them. You were raised during an era in which women sought to be all things to all people and good at everything after decades of limited options. It's understandable that you got your priorities mixed up and landed in a heap.

I apologize for allowing your heart to be an open book for all to read and scribble on haphazardly. You are so tenderhearted and gentle that your pain shows easily and so does your love. You had to give yourself away time after time to realize that your value lies in celebrating who you are and honoring yourself. Pampering yourself. Doing what you enjoy instead of always what is expected of you.

The pain that you have felt during the hard times was me reminding you of who you are. I know...it's hard to believe that, but it's true. During those long months of therapy when you cried your grief away each and every day, it was me who was trying to get out of the cocoon and become a butterfly. The real Janie. When the money problems almost took you down, that was simply a cue for you to face reality and deal with it. Nothing more. When the pressures of work became too much, it was me telling you to go home and forget it until tomorrow. The job will always be there. Sunsets won't.

The worst is behind you, hon. You have dug your way through 3 years of assorted post-divorce angst and come out smiling. Kinder. Less judgemental. MUCH humbler. And, finally you know who you are. Remember? In your first of a jillion therapy visits, you drew pictures of what you like. There was a musical note ...water....flowers....wow, I wish you'd saved it. It might be good to look at that drawing today, 18 years later.

Instead, why don't you just accept my sincere apologies and make a wish list for the next few days of nice weather?

Proud of 'ya babe. Keep the faith. ^j^
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