They say that when the trials become fierce and the pain escalates, that personal growth is taking place in its'purest form. Don't ask me who "they" are. My mother knows them quite well but has never put a name on 'em.

BabyGirl and I are on a learning curve these days with our lives. She has just enough of her Daddy in her to run and hide from her painful feelings until the truth shows itself in some startling manner. Right now, she's in the anger stage of the grief process with letting go of him, and I feel her pain. When I was in that stage, I took it out on her many times. She was just a kid and didn't deserve or understand it. Neither did I.

The plain truth was that I was letting go in love by facing the truth about my life and my marriage. None of it was about love or devotion. Most of it was about control issues. I felt the pressure, the entire time, to be the strong and stable one who kept the family together. Guess what happened when I let go?

Yeah. I felt guilty for a long time for cuttin' him loose. I watched him slowly wither and die and turn into someone I didn't even want to recognize. And I eventually discovered the joy of just being me and not the keeper of the world.

There comes a point where you just say "I'm over it" and you mean it. I pray that she gets there sooner than I did.

^j^