Reading "The Road Less Traveled" for the first of a jillion times turned out to be the fork in the road for me with love and spirituality. It became crystal clear to me that the Cinderella kind of love that I had always believed in was not only not REAL but impossible to achieve for a lasting period. Peck's discussions about love being "work" took away any romantic notions that I had left in the fairy tale department. The prince would not arrive with the slipper because the whole thing was a dream....including the stroke of midnight on that clock.

I suppose that is when I hunkered down into the foxhole of a bad marriage and decided to "work" on loving someone who was not capable of returning the type of love that I needed. "It's not so bad", I told myself. "There are two incomes and he doesn't hit me." It took a very long time to even put words to the dilemma, and in the end it sounded something like a chorus of this from both of us. "We didn't marry because we were in love....it was because it was the expected logical next step."

I could never envision a life as old folks together or look ahead to retirement. Even with my vivid imagination, I just couldn't conjure it up...not even on a good day. There was a child and some bills and a bunch of friends and relatives that we shared, but nothing between the two of us that was the glue that holds a relationship together. And so, it did not last.

Experiencing relationships that relax into a comfortable fit is not the stuff of fairy tales. We have all been conditioned to expect bells and whistles and fireworks and poetry with a good dose of butterflies to boot. After all , that's what Harlequins and hit songs and movies ply us with to keep the dream alive long enough to pair us up into helter skelter mis-matched couples of convenience.

At work today we laughingly discussed how long I've been single when everybody else has moved on to, if not greener, at least DIFFERENT pastures. Co-workers and friends who have been single for a much shorter period of time are deep into their new lives with happy oblivion. " You're too picky!" they said with cackles all around the table.

Maybe so. At least I'll know what I want when I see it. It'll probably look a whole lot like Richard Gere snatching Debra Winger up out of that factory in "An Officer and a Gentleman".
Or perhaps Larry the Cable Guy....

Because, you see. I don't believe in Prince Charming :)