Back when BabyGirl was in her mid-teens, one of her best buds was a gal named Alice. They were inseparable for many years..a through-thick-and-thin kinda friendship. Alice's parents had been divorced for several years and she lived with her Mom. Ever so often her control freak of a Dad would decide to shake things up and take her back to court for custody. This is how I ended up on the witness stand.

Now, Daddy was camped out on his ex-in-laws couch for some odd reason. He and ex-mother-in-law were partners in crime on this thing of showing the world what an un-fit mother Alice's mom was. Alice was a great kid.....smart as a whip and talented. But like all teenagers, she tended to embellish the truth a bit when she knew the consequences would be a brow beatin' by those two micromanagers. On a Friday night when BabyGirl was spending the night there, the Dad and his evil sidekick Grandma confronted her on a little lie she had told a week earlier. She got an attitude, and the dad decided she needed a butt whoopin'....told her to pull down her pants and take it ( remember, this is a 14 year old girl ) When she refused, all hell broke loose and the cops were called. I was awakened from a deep sleep by a phone call from the dad telling me to come pick up BabyGirl cuz there was trouble. When I arrived, she was standing outside the house illuminated by the lights of a cop car. Alice was inside telling her story.

Fast forward to the custody hearing about six months later. I was the lone witness as testament to Alice's mom's fitness as a mother. The lawyer told me he probably wouldn't need my testimony but to hang around just in case. I sat outside that courtroom all day watching one after another of the daddy's "allies" go in and out of the courtroom. By the end of the day, I was sure I'd dodged the bullet. Courtrooms makes me nervous, ya know??

Mom's lawyer peeked outside the doors of the courtroom and told me " You're next." Oh Shit.
I walked in there slowly as if to the electric chair, and was greeted with a warm and hearty "Well HEY girl! How you been doin'??" by the judge. heh. "And how in the world are your mama and daddy and your old dog?". The daddy and his lawyer were visible to me from the stand and they were slowly sinking under the table. Alice's mom just beamed up at me, as if to say " Ain't this special?". After the judge and I caught up on family and pets ( he used to board a horse out here ) and the daddy and HIS lawyer came out from under the table, Mom's lawyer proceeded to ask me about my experiences with the family and what kind of mother I thought she was. I told them that she was a great momma with a very close relationship to her daughter, much like my own. Etc. etc.

He then asked me about the details of "the night". As I began to recount the ridiculous scene I watched the daddy's lawyer turn to him and start fussin' at him. Evidently he had forgotten to share this little incident with his lawyer and they got blindsided with it. After the tongue lashing, they both sunk even LOWER under the table and glared. I was dismissed and went on my merry way.

Of course, Alice's mom retained custody. Her lawyer told me later on over a beer that he had used me as the "final nail in the coffin" on that case. He's a genius whiz, no doubt.

Moral of the story? Keep your kids out of scraps with your ex, don't team up with your ex-in-laws and always tell your lawyer EVERYTHING!


Epilogue: The daddy married him an internet bride from South America and finally got a life and left poor Alice alone.