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like a virgin
No wait...that's "like a baby". How I slept these past two days. Poops is normally an early to bed/early to rise kind of gal. All work and no play has made her a very weary girl, and the body said to her "lay the heck down and don't get up". I slept for 10+ hours both days this weekend.

Like a virgin is how I feel right now. If you're not up for gut wrenching drama, move on. It's my life and I need to share who the girl is behind the smartass who is currently jammin' to Little Feat's "Dixie Chicken".

I talk a lot about Babygirl and her b'friend because, well they're a very large part of my life that consists of one middle aged single gal who got out of a bad marriage way too late. My ex is an addict with all of the character defects that are a part of active addiction. He's a nice guy too...just one who can't deal with the pain of his reality. He is currently on the fast track to the other side and though we haven't been married for years, he is the father of my child and she is the daughter who is wrestling to accept something that she cannot fix or change. Contingency plans creep into our conversations. How to bury an unemployed drifter with no life insurance when there is only Daddy's girl to do the deed. How it is important for her to share her feelings with him before it's too late. I'm the sounding board right now, while she gives shape and form to the anger that she feels and practices turning it into something more productive like acceptance and peace.

B'friend's dad died several months ago shacked up in a motel on a crack binge at the age of 53ish. We will, more than likely, replay that scenario very soon...together, the three of us. I have lived almost 50 years trudging ahead with my chin up trying to take the high road and believing that if you do right and work hard and honor God with your life, it all comes back around eventually. Right now, all I can think is that it will be in the next life that the payback comes. I have never felt so alone and vulernable. Sometimes I think, like Jennifer wrote that doing the Hokey Pokey is what it's all about, and that scares the hell out of me. I sit helplessly watching as Katrina prepares to wipe out the Gulf Coast and the residents line up at the pump preparing to flee to a safe place. And I pray without ceasing.

Our local National Guard unit returned from a year-long deployment in Kuwait this past week. The streets and homes are lined with American flags,yellow ribbons and welcome back signs that served as a backdrop for the return of these heroes. The unit has been re-assigned as an MP group that will return shortly, this time to Iraq, home of the car bombers. Many have decided that it's time to get out while the gettin' is good and do the hokey pokey with their families and friends.

Ain't that what it's all about?
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