One of my favorite characters on SNL was Garrett Morris doing the news for the hearing impaired. While googling it, I found a couple of links to hypersensitive folks who took offense to his comedy. Which reminds me of Our Top Story Tonight

LIGHTEN UP AMERICA! If you honestly believe that it's all about you, you're missing the other 9/10 of earth's population and their perspective on things. Global is a real hip term these days, right up there alongside territorial and patriotism.

EVERYBODY'S HUMAN. Well, all but the one Guy. He did a big bloody sacrificial thing so that the rest of us schmucks would not have to spend our lives worrying about not being perfect. He honestly doesn't care about the commandments in the courthouse or the prayers at football games...Scout's honor. His priorities tend towards serving the least of these and having a mad fit when the tax collectors get rich at our expense.

CALL YOUR MOTHER. Alas, I am remiss. It seems that I think she will always be there when I have a question about who's kin to who or what amount of this goes into that recipe. Same for daddies and all their wisdom. What are we thinking??

QUIT YER BITCHIN'. For every yelp you let out concerning your agenda, there is a cosmic force that multiplies the counter-yelp about why you are wrong and they are right, bless their hearts. Save all that energy for action when the playground bully hits your best buddy in the nuts. That's what known as "kick ass time".

WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR. 'Nuf said.

I am all about fixing up the inefficiency around here, so I refer you to Paul for further instruction on downsizing child slavery in the sales market and thus increasing times a bazillion your quality time with your kid. His proposal also makes you really popular with co-workers and relatives who want to write one big check and say AMEN.

That's enough campaign rhetoric for one day. Election day is three years away. Who knows where we'll be by then?

Keepin' the faith, most likely. ^j^