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shades of gray
I have never been one to dream big dreams. My goals have been mostly idealistic in nature, the kind where one sows a seed and, more often than not, never sees the fruit. Had I set my sights on making a million early in life I could have already been-there-done-that-gotta-coffee-mug. I'm just that stubborn. Perhaps part of my hesitance in setting goals stems from my dedication to diversity and inclusion. Fears of pigeon-holing myself as a drama diva or intellectual afraid of having fun have led me on a merry chase throughout my life to fully experience the moment, whether humorous or sad or just there. After all, most of life consists of the "just there" times. Becoming middle aged (when the heck did THAT happen) gives one the freedom from external expectations and mandatory role playing to become the one that Big Ernie intended you to be. That, my friends, is my goal.

I can see from where I sit that he has directed me and provided protection and comic relief during all the years leading up to my epiphany. The ability to see pain and suffering as necessary acts of the play is a gift not to be taken lightly. When you're in it...really in it....the drama seems all consuming and earth shattering. Later on clarity comes at the most unexpected moment and smacks you upside the head with a peace that surpasses all others. With apologies to Dr. Freud: It ain't all about your ego or anybody else's. It's about enjoying the journey and meeting others half-way.

There is an extremely fine line between diversity and inclusion versus entitlement. The same can be said about responsible parenting and dumping your control issues into your child's life or the lives of all the others who interact with you every day, be it in person or cyber-wise. At this point in time, it all makes me very weary and so I'm outta here to set some goals and pray for peace. And grace. And honesty. And discernment. And a place where there is less black and white and more gray.

I'll send you my forwarding address when I get there.

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