Like my old and wizened buddy Hoss I am always on the lookout for the way to make a pile so I can retire from the day job and start having a little fun for a change. In case you haven't noticed, it's my turn. While engaging in such mindless chores as caulking, painting and climbing ladders to caulk and paint some more, I suddenly came upon a brilliant idea.

The only paid time off I have is three months worth of sick leave which is half of what was left after the most recent corporate sellout. My co-workers are lining up their ailments to take advantage of this "perk". One had neck surgery while yet another is gettin' her feet done real soon...bunions, ya know. Another has numerous doctor's visits on the books for holistic health and chiropractic magic. Now, old Poops is pretty healthy and has no serious thorns in the side, so to speak. Me and bunion girl were chattin' the other day about what I could come up with to get off for more than a weekend, and we stumbled upon a genius whiz idea. I'm gonna have a BABY! Never mind that I've had a tubal, and entered menopause shortly thereafter. Or that it would have to be immaculate conception. I have a plan, and it all revolves around my latest purchase of NurtiMin C facial care products.
Here's the deal. I will religiously use this skin care regimen until my face is so lovely that no man can resist my charms. SugarDaddy is sure to be captivated by my youthful appearance and want me to be the motha' of his child. Since he's rich, he can afford to have the tubal reversed so that his spawn will have a place to hang out for nine months. I'm a tough broad...and I plan on working up until I go into labor and then I've got three months off PAID with nothing to do but change diapers and breast feed.

Oops. I forgot about the menopause thing. It's okay...I'll find a surrogate.