I married, at the young age of 22, on the rebound from my first big love. The union was born of guilt because we were shacked up and that was "not acceptable" in our conservative little 'burg in the seventies. With the best of intentions we set out to be somewhat responsible adults in training. There was a child later on and a lot of bills and health issues. When we realized that it wasn't a marriage based on love, we divorced just long enough for the finances and personal lives to get really crappy and then went back for round 2 of that same marriage. Of course that one failed as well, mainly for the same reasons that #1 had bitten the dust. We had very little in common except for years as roommates and financial partners and a child. That wasn't enough to hold it together.

If I had a nickel for every person who told me that they were staying in a bad marriage "because of the children" I'd be independently wealthy. Never mind that you are out there lookin' for love in all the wrong places and lying to your spouse. Think the kids don't know what's up? Think again. They're smarter than you think and are learning from each and every lie that you live. Can't afford true happiness? Yep...heard that one too. The partnership that should be based on mutual care and concern is very often bound by the almighty dollar thanks to the legal profession. While there are some who would be sorely mistreated without legal representation during a divorce or marriage, mostly it's just more money into their pockets while you and BabyDaddy fight over property out of anger over the great betrayal. Give me a break already. Get offa your butt and smell the coffee, as Ann Landers would say.

Every failed relationship has a story with two sides. He did *this* or she ran around on me! Wonder why? Could it be that the two of you just weren't meant for each other and hung on out of habit or because it's more expensive to live separately? Been there, done that. I can honestly say that I was never mistreated except through my own blind loyalty to the institution itself. It was never a choice, just a responsibility with very little joy. The thing that was lacking was mutual commitment and that is not a legal thing by any stretch of the imagination. It is simply a promise given with an open heart and accepted in like fashion. The rest of it...well. It's just details.

I've been single long enough to be curious about what makes folks committed to each other for the long haul, be it spiritually or legally. This old gal could sure stand to hear some true love stories.

Tell me yours. It might give me faith.


^j^