I faced the sunset this evening from the swing that was my Mother's Day gift ten years or so ago. The girl doggies tend to be couch potatoes unless I'm out and about keeping them company while they chase moles and disappear into the tall growth of the pasture. They come right back when it's time to eat.

I seem to have lost that part of me...the one who knows how to relax and enjoy the moment. Could be because I've been in survival mode for four years what with becoming a middle aged single woman and all. Kid in college and then not and soon to be again...this time on her own steam and personal dime. When I made the decision to divorce my hub, there were no dreams of high living or frivolity. I was madly in love with a guy who did not return my affection. And so it went.

The guilt and angst that accompanied the decision followed me relentlessly as I watched the whole deal go to hell in a handbasket. I had counted on BabyDaddy word that he would help with the basics for a college gal, but that never happened. Instead, he partied with she and her friends as they tried desperately to save him from himself. It seems like years ago.

There is a fine line between being an angel and becoming the devil. The stuff of angels is made of faith and hope and, sometimes, tough love. Devils just want company in their misery and feed off of negativity to fuel the eternal fire. "It can't be done." "What are you thinking??" "Don't make waves." "Do you honestly think you can make a difference?"

I do. What about you?

^j^