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second thoughts
I can count on one hand the number of times that I have deleted a post after it went up, and yesterday was the most recent. Why, you might ask? Hmm..because it was drivel, of the manic jacked up angry bitch type. What began as an "oopsy" when I got a letter from the IRS calling me to task for daring to not pay taxes on the last of my retirement that I withdrew to survive post-divorce, turned into a flaming diatribe against every owner of the place since time began, including the guy who discovered the blood groups back in the forties and the original cultivator of penicillin mold. When I looked at it this morning, I saw the side of me that should be reserved for making a positive difference in the world bitchin' her little heart out about the past knowing full well that I had choices every step of the way and didn't make them, for whatever reason. I don't like that girl's voice, so she was sent hurling into cyberspace, pronto. Poof...history.

When I first began blogging a couple of years ago, the bitch was my constant companion. We ranted and raved about what was wrong with the world and life and this country, yet change has come slowly, if at all. I don't see any fewer gas guzzlers on the road, but folks squawk about the price of owning them a bit more. People still kill and torture and judge others by their own standards, but a little more light has been shed on peace and justice by believers in the true meaning of agape.

And so, I choose to see the glass as half full. Instead of being angry over the thought of my hard earned tax dollars going to fund a war that I have oppossed from the get go , I will think about it as an investment in the Medicare money that helps to pay for my parents' healthcare during their "golden" years. I will care for myself and for compassionate others like the best friends that we are on this journey called life on Earth. And I will not give energy or attention to those who seek to benefit themselves at the expense of others. Life is too short for such nonsense.

I will keep the faith and go to my grave believing that all is well and as it is supposed to be according to Big Ernie's plan. For now, that plan includes plenty of good friends and a bunch of critters who eat me out of house and home. There's a daughter/roommate who will turn twenty two on Friday whom I adore and respect and am terribly proud of no matter which direction she goes with her own life.

And I will never...ever, forget who I am or the grace that got me here. ^j^

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