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i love you back
My mother turned me onto Jan Karon some years back and we traded her books back and forth like junkies lookin' for a fix. Her series of Mitford books featured a lively cast of characters led by Father Tim, a fiercely caring minister, and the people in his small town life. One particular character, Dooley, is a young boy from a broken home with plenty of dysfunction. Father Tim "adopts" the boy and takes on the task of building trust with someone who doesn't begin to know the meaning of the word. During the series, Dooley grows into a young man dealing with all the growing up stuff that boys have to deal with. One of those things was learning to say "I love you" without fear. His adopted father would always reply: "I love you back."

That is the way I feel about those of you who have expressed concern for me during the past week with either a comment, email or phone call. I've seen some valleys in my life thus far, but this week was a turning point. I tend to be one of those who will soldier on until the troops are wore ass out. I may whine about it or rant and bitch, but I'll keep on with what has to be done. That particular character trait landed me in the bottom of the deepest valley I've ever known this past week. I'm talkin' hit-the-canyon-floor low with a loud boom like in Road Runner! It hurt...damn painful to be letting go of control of the universe, ya know? I've been jumping that hurdle all my life only somebody keeps changing the height of the bar. I know the intense relief that comes from saying "F it" and letting Big Ernie take over. And I feel that now, thanks to your prayers. Don't ever let anybody try to make you believe it doesn't make a difference.

I've been saving up vacation hours all summer so I could be off this week, during my favorite time of year. The weather looks decent and I've got a few bucks to go dollar store shopping when I'm not reading. There's a running list in my head of things like pansies and paint and pictures of Pecan Lane. I'm going where the spirit leads me this time, with faith.

And I warn you...there will be pictures ^j^
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