As luck would have it, I've run across more than the usual percentage of asshats lately. The sad thing about assholes is that they don't even realize they're what they really are and they usually stomp on somebody else in the process of being one. I suppose I could have blamed myself for being at the wrong place at the wrong time the first time it happened but damn if they didn't keep on smackin' me right in the face. There are very few "good guys" out there....and by that I mean the ones who are willing to face the past, get over it and learn from it. I'm not just talking men here either, just in case you feel like calling me a man hater. Assholes come in both genders in just about equal proportions.

When the chips are up and life is looking good, an occasional asshole encounter here and there won't make a dent in the psyche of an individual who knows how to roll with the punches and take the good with the bad. When a person has been struggling for survival in the long run, one asshole too many can tip the scales. I'm just sayin'.

In that spirit I present to you some steps to help overcome the unplesantness of the assholes in your own little world via the Twelve Steps of Assholes Anonymous.

1. You didn't do anything to deserve the attack of the asshole. Sometimes life just sucks and twirls out of control and you get sucked up into it like Dorothy and Toto on the way to Oz. Just because somebody acts like an asshole doesn't mean it's personal toward you. Their mama probably never taught 'em any better.

2. Learning to recognize an asshole-in-action and the ability to not take offense are gifts from your higher power that can surely restore peace and love and rock'n'roll. At the very least, it can open your eyes and make you think twice before acting like an asshole yourself.

3. There's something out there bigger than me and you, and it's best to go with the flow on that. In the end, it saves a lot of energy and angst and allows more free time for joyful things.

4. Sometimes, it's YOUR fault.

5. When it is, admit it.

6. Assholes are freakin' EVERYWHERE and there is no escaping them..as Scott Peck once said: "Life is hard." Reacting to them is a learned response that can be removed when you are ready to give it up.

7. Keep the faith. ^j^

8. We all hurt each other, sometimes intentionally but usually not. When you know that you have caused someone pain through being an asshole, do the right thing and follow it up with a conversation explaining where you were coming from at that moment in time. You'll sleep better, and Big Ernie will love ya for it.

9. Follow up.

10. You're not always wrong, but when you are, saying "I'm sorry" does wonders for restoring relationships before they're damaged beyond repair.

11. Take it one day at a time and listen for the truth.

12. When your friends get attacked by the invasion of the mutant assholes, listen to them whine and share your own personal experiences with assholes you have known. Hold their hands or give them a hug. Remember from whence you came.


Since it's Thursday, I've taken the liberty of adding a thirteenth step toward finding inner peace with a life chock full of assholes.

13. Some people are just naturally unpleasant. If you love 'em you'll overlook it. If you don't...well. They're a pain in the you know what. Don't waste time trying to understand the anatomy of an asshole. Spend that energy doing something that makes you happy ^j^