Puttin' in an asparagus bed is sort of like being pregnant for three years. The first year after the roots are planted, you can't pick 'em when they show up in the spring. The drill is you let them grow and fern, feed them and let them die. During spring number two you can pick "lightly" meaning maybe enough to make a tasty casserole for Easter dinner...then rinse, lather and repeat. The real fun starts in spring number three when you've waited patiently to be able to pick fresh asparagus once or twice a day for a month or so. Ain't nothing like it, folks. Shout out to Yaya..your day will come :) I've been cruising the yard with a bead on every little thing that's coming up, making a mental list of things to transplant and to share. The burning bush and hydrangea have suckers which will make nice gifts to my green thumb friends if I don't plant 'em somewhere else in my own yard. We shall see how much Poopie likes to share.

This is Thursday, which we all know is dollar-beer-for-ladies at the Kudzu bar and I missed roll call...again. It has morphed from a place where "everybody knows your name" to "who the heck are YOU?" I hate that...'cuz it was my favorite place to hang out with my friends and our dogs. Just another chapter in life I suppose. On a positive note, I spend much more time at home minding my own business and the house is looking lots better. Maybe I'll get around to finishing the re-do this year. If I have a party will y'all come help celebrate??

Speaking of celebration, my Redneck Friend is about to make the big walk across the stage to get her Bachelor's degree come May. This gal is one dedicated individual and has studied her ass off to get there. Congratulations Bobbie A! We shall have some tequila on that one, and I don't even like it :) Remind me to tell you how we met at the Kudzu bar long long ago. Interesting story that involves a cemetery. And the UT Vols. And tequila. And hunky firemen.

Y'all would be soooooooo jealous of my farmer's tan. Since it's been over eighty friggin' degrees for the last week I've managed to catch some rays. Bad thing is it's only from the short sleeve down with some new face freckles too. Oh well...SugarDaddy will love me for who I am or I ain't playing. Old age has its' advantages in that respect. If you don't believe me, just ask Maxine.

Oh and, umm. Keep the faith.

^j^

Y'all know Tom, right? Sheesh...where have you been under a rock or something! He's the guy on MySpace who thanks you for signing up and all that. He also reminds you when the network goes from USA time to Euro. Luckily the day job has taught me the fine art of keeping time with the world. I made the fatal mistake of deleting him as a friend but when I realized the error of my ways, I went back and made it right. Tom loves me like a sister.

As they say in the NCAA "that's the way the ball bounces." The U-of-M Tigers flat got outplayed by the Buckeyes of Ohio State this afternoon. Shout out to Hoss on Oregon hangin' in there. One t-shirt comin' up, old boy. Love ya..mean it.

There's this hottie from Nashville coming to play at Bubba's club in a few weeks and he's bringing his friends along. Poops has her eye on a good time and a free reduced price tshirt in exchange for fried chicken wings. Never underestimate the power of bartering with hungry musicians.

The temp hit 85 today which is so terribly abnormal for March that I actually wanted to call Al and tell him "you were right all along" about that global warming media spin. *note to self* Call Tony Snow and remind him that his days are numbered. *laugh like the wicked witch of the west*

Y'all know that I'm not a big Dubya fan if you've ever read what I actually write. The sad thing is that I don't see anybody out there amongst the fray that I think has the balls to change the course of this country. We are totally addicted to foreign oil and misdirected patriotism. The flag that we take out hats off for doesn't exist anymore. It seems to be all about surviving and paying the piper with nobody at all listening to the voice of the people who pay for the whole deal.

If you find that candidate, let me know. They've got my vote.

Me and the girls have had tons of fun playing outside today. They've spent the winter laying around acting like they're people or something. It's funny how when I get out and do stuff they want to come along. Faith and Hope Butterbean pretty much take every step that I do. We started out with a walk down Pecan Lane that morphed into another trip in the car with classic rock blaring to pick up trash and easy firewood. There's a dogwood tree down in front of the dairy barn that has been taken OVER by the damn kudzu. I reckon I was just plain bored enough to pull out the newly sharpened chopping utensils and attack the evil vine. Heh. We got her done! That shit is ruthless. I look at it as the revenge of Japan on us for WWII. The trusty old Camry hauls wood just as well as it does garbage so we've got a nice start on a fire when weather permits. Tornado season is right around the corner, ya know.

My yard looks like an basket full of Easter eggs with all the cool colors....yellow forsythia, purple redbud trees, rose colored quince and tons and tons of daffodils. The bradford pear and that other bush that has tiny white flowers are just covered up. I don't know the name of it, but I dug it up from Mama and Daddy's place and it grows about as fast as kudzu. While we out walking I noticed that there's been some plowing going on in the fields gettin' em ready for this year's crop. And that damn calf is back in the field across the road. Gotta love that kind of faithful wandering.

Shout out to Redneck Friend...see you on the other side of basketball season :) As for Amy Claire, well. Keep the faith, girlfriend. Our time to play is coming up and I can't WAIT.

^j^

During shift change at the day job this afternoon, we began to chat about cats. See, my oldest and wisest most ornery is a big old tabby named Bernie. BabyGirl picked that name and who the heck knows why. I've got a sneaky suspicion it had something to do with that movie about the dead guy that got hauled all over the place. Bernie has been slingin' snot and sneezing for months now and breathing real heavy like he's sick. SugarDaddy still hasn't shown up so, umm..you know how it is to choose between vet bills and payin' the rent.

I've been trying to medicate him with people medicine all crushed up in tasty food but he's not buyin' it. Antihistamine in half and half? Humph. Turned his snotty nose up at it. Augmentin mixed in with ground chuck? Not even a bit interested in the raw meat. That's when me and Becky Jean and Mel got to talkin' about how barn cats breed and roam and breed again and never get close to any kind of human. I made the fatal mistake of picking up a prolific breeder in the hospital parking lot some time ago and now we have four offspring going through twenty pounds of cat food a week. Don't have any mice or moles though!

A wise man once told me that I have stories to tell. We all do in some form or fashion. A precious few of them become famous classics, but most are told in the spirit of just tellin' the tale and appreciating the nod when some other soul out there says "Amen, I hear ya." Call me naive, but I think that animals do that too. I see it everytime Faith smiles or Butterbean grins at me.

Which brings me back around to work guy. That story won't be told here because I'm takin' a break from the daily blog. You'll read it though...when you least expect to and the Spirit moves.

Love ya..mean it. ^j^

Not bad for a Monday, I reckon. Hey..the pushmower started first crank and I'm feelin' lucky. Guess I better shave my legs or something expectational like that. Those damn calves are still wandering around the cotton field like the dead stalks are manna from heaven. Sheesh...go figure. I told 'ya cows are dumb. Be right back. I gotta take a shower so I can get up early for the day!job! Remind me to tell y'all about work guy and how he stole my heart back in the day. It's an interesting story. Really.
* * * *
K..I'm back and all clean. Worked up a good sweat washing my car and generally piddlin' out there in the yard with the waterhose and the rake. Guess what y'all??? It's asparagus time in Tennessee! There's two big old honking spears in the frig just waiting for their cousins to join them in a nice dish.
* * * *
Today is the one year anniversary of the tornado that ripped through Dyer county in March '06 and killed a lot of good folks. It still looks like somebody has been logging out there where it happened with big open spaces where trees and houses and a church used to be. Some are re-building while others have moved elsewhere. The memories are sometimes too much to bear for those left behind.
* * * *
Does anybody have Ralph Nader's cellphone number? See, I'm thinking that the Dems and GOP are doing the dance and playing the game so I'm just gonna write somebody in that I think has the balls to cut ties and tell it like it is. Can you see her or his first day as the head of this country. "Holy COW...what was I thinking?????" These people are nuckin' futs.
* * * *
Shout out to Big Ernie on Miss Donna's change of status from earthling to angel. I only met her a couple of times but felt like she was an outstanding person from the get-go. Now she's in heaven playing ball with Mr. Frog and Big Ernie instead of being a cheerleader. Don't look now, but she just sunk a three pointer right on time for March Madness.
* * * *
See y'all on Terrific Tuesday. ^j^

....with a very cool toy that I just had to swipe. Thanks Jennifer.

Umm..yep, that's Poopie. Or it was seventeen years ago. The longtime administrative assistant to the boss of our hospital is retiring. While cleaning out her shit stuff, she found this old picture of me that was part of the local media blitz by the company that owned us at the time. Their slogan? "We know what a miracle you are." The business plan was quite simple. As a not-for-profit church affilated healthcare provider, the vision was to expand the market over the entire West Tennessee area by buying up rural "feeder" hospitals to the hub in Memphis. There were seven facilities purchased when the bidding wars ceased and the dust settled. Final price tag on ours was about ten million over net worth, just to keep the competitor from winning. The county of Dyer made out like a bandit and Poops lost several years worth of retirement money.

Several years into that miracle, I began to resent the business being conducted in the name of the church of which I was a lifelong member. Not being one to keep her thoughts to herself, I squawked. Loudly..softly. Not a soul ever acknowledged that they felt my pain or even acknowledged that I had one. This company was notorious for starting things they never finished and making promises. Eventually they sold all seven of the hospitals to the highest bidder. That's a story for another time.

This post is for Laura...for her presence during the thirty years that I have been there and the forty seven that have been her tenure. I hope that she enjoys her free days and remembers just enough about the journey to jog our memories when we wonder why we're still there and remind us when it's time to move on.

Keep the faith girl. ^j^

There's one in every herd of cattle, and this one is determined that the grass is greener on the other side of the ancient fencing that loosely surrounds 'em. I've never much thought of labs and rat terriers as herders, but by golly they chased her right back over to the gap where she's grazing peacefully waiting for Daddy or Bubba to let her back in with the clan. Pretty amazing how they can figure a way out, but never the way back in.

Poops has had two days off highlighted by visits to the GYN and the dentist respectively. As it turns out, the PAP smear is still abnormal which is bothersome to say the least. I'm not scared of cancer because I'm doing the proactive thing..just dreadin' the "this won't hurt much" office procedure...sans anesthesia...that is sure to follow. As for the dentist, well hell. Who wouldn't love a guy who sticks needles all in the roof of your mouth????

I rewarded myself with a day outside, playin' like a little kid planting pansies, raking leaves and doing general spring cleaning on the yard. I've got miles to go, but it was a start and a glorious day. There are five new freckles on my face to prove it :)

Middle-aged smartass country gals eventually find their limits with the self sufficiency thing and I am no exception. After twelve years, my used John Deere riding mower is topless and not worth the effort so I'm taking bids from yard boys to keep it mowed this year. Maybe I can manage the up around the house part with a push mower. We shall see.

Breaking news update: The calf is still in the cotton field so I reckon I'll go open the gate. See y'all on hump day.

^j^

I just KNOW y'all are itching to hear about all my exciting adventures lately, so here goes. Went Krogering after work this afternoon and picked up a few things. As I was wheeling my cart through the exit all of a sudden the damn door starts alarming and talkin' to me in very stern tones. *whah...*whah**whah!*** Turns out the pork tenderloin was the culprit. That was my first experience with theft alarms on meat. Gah. What is this world coming to? I mean..it's not like it was full price or anything. Who can afford it when it is???? Anyways, I think I'll invite that girl that came over and de-activated it out to eat when I smother it with honey mustard and teriyaki sauce and cook it just right.

The cheese stick frying business is a no-go out at my brother's club . Oh, I can fry 'em all night long, but those folks are too busy dancin' and drinking to think about food. Meh. At least I can say I tried. Anybody want a double order of cheddar stuffed jalapenos? With ranch????????? Fools don't know what they're missing is all I can say about that. I slept late AND took a nap Friday so I could hang with the wild bunch and ended up coming home to piddle until the sun was startin' to peek out. Needless to say my smart ass was in the bed with the dogs before nine last night. Out like a light.

I saw the "eclipse" yesterday evening, but honestly...if I hadn't known the moon was full the night before, I'd never have known the difference. I was all excited about that red stuff they talk about. Looked to me like what BabyGirl used to call "banana moon" when she was a little tyke. I shoulda caught a flight to Africa for a better view, but I had to work today.

This guy asked me to dance a slow one Friday night and like a fool, I took him up on it. Couldn't lead worth a flip, and asks me right off if I'm married. "No" was my reply. "Are you?" He said something like "mumble.mumble.yep.mumble". Then he proceeds to pull his cellphone out of his pocket and either answer it or call somebody, I'm not sure. Cuz I was outta there and back to the kitchen in a flash. What.A.Loser. Can you say "idiot magnet" and picture Poops? Ummmhmmm.

I am currently reading a romance novel written by a guy who has penned a slew of 'em and it's about to get on my nerves considering that my last decent read was Generous Women by Earl Hamner. It is a lovely book by the master storyteller sharing his tributes to all of the ladies in his life who shaped him into who he is today at eighty-something. My youngest brother and his wifey live up in that neck of the Virginia woods. Haven't seen 'em in a while, but they're due to travel south this spring.

The buttercups, forsythia and such are making their second debut and this time...I think they're right on target weather-wise. There's cats everywhere stalking the birds and, well. You know how it is here on Pecan Lane.

Never a dull moment. ^j^